Monday Fungos: Cleaning up for a homecoming
How better for the Chicago Cubs to finish a crisp, clean 6-1 road trip than by bringing out the broom in New York. So with an Irish Spring in the step, a good Febreze at our backs and any other household-product plugs you can think of, let’s Dust-Off the welcome mat to Snuggle with an old Bon Ami.
And you know who I mean: the original Brawny paper towel man – Jake Arrieta – whose Phillies visit starting Tuesday. Until then, let’s Pledge to Dial up the good Cheer with these Fungos:
- More bad news for Tyler Chatwood. Even his dog is fed up with all the walks and has become a filthy shut-in.
- A Pittsburgh eatery got the best revenge when Anthony Rizzo popped in for Kung Pao Chicken to go. With a little diuretic “seasoning” added, they created a different kind of Take Out Slide.
- When Pirates GM Neal Huntington sold his franchise down the river this winter, did he ever specify which of the three rivers?
- Thank goodness for uniforms because the Pirates’ choking against the Cubs sure sounded a lot like the Brewers.
- This week Mike Montgomery proved what a step-up teammate he is. To keep Yu Darvish’s interpreter sharp, Monty let him translate during both of Monty’s post-game news conferences. (And the translator did great, choosing to not translate Montgomery saying, “Ha! I told you so!”)
- If Godzilla shows up for real in New York, I bet he beelines for that big Mets apple in centerfield. After a disappointing first bite, the reign of terror begins.
- What do you think Mets’ reliever Robert Gsellman /guh-sell-man/ calls the G-spot? (New York sports radio answer: Probably “her knee,” cause Mets relievers always miss their spots.)
- Whenever I hear men in big beards like Jake Arrieta rant publicly, I want to say, “At least show some class and put it in a manifesto like the Unabomber.”
- When did Cubs radio broadcasts get a laugh track? I haven’t heard so much suck-up background guffawing since Hank Kingsley on “The Larry Sanders Show.”
- And last but not least, that moment again when life imitates a Looney Tunes sound effect.
Sound on. #DONG pic.twitter.com/6vjAsmU5hP
— Chicago Cubs (@Cubs) May 30, 2018
