Monday Fungos, Week 3: Warnings to All Sides
For all the pace-of-play posturing this spring, Mother Nature sure weighed in this past week with a hot take of her own. By postponing two of the three Cubs-Cardinals games and at least 25 total contests throughout baseball, she essentially said, “Count me with Rizzo. I totally prefer a slower pace of schedule.”
And the unexpected funny fungos didn’t end there. Enjoy:
- Say what you will about the hated Cardinals franchise, but they are single-handedly keeping America’s red support-sock industry afloat.
- Fans rooting for Javier Baez to make history were sorely disappointed last week. By going 12-for-25, he’s no longer on pace to be the first National League MVP to hit under .200.
- Good news on Tyler Chatwood: Batters have managed a mere .237 average against him. Bad news: he has walked everyone hitting over .220.
- The Cubs made their first trip west since last year’s disastrous Dodgers playoff series. Sadly, a still-frazzled Jed Hoyer forced yet another emergency landing out of fears of being “incepted.”
- You don’t need all those
VisitNebraska.com signs at Coors Field to know Colorado has some liberal cannabis laws. But is “Visit Nebraska” an actual ad campaign? Sounds more like a Jedi mind trick.
- Speaking of which, the first 4,200 Colorado fans at Sunday’s game received promotional baggies of something labeled “Bud Black.”
- On Friday, Joe Maddon brought Justin Wilson in to protect a 12-run lead. But it sure still felt like trusting a Sicilian to guard the Lufthansa terminal at JFK.
- Eerily replicating a famous TV commercial, Andre Dawson was just pulled out of Charlie Blackmon’s beard.
- As a final warning, Theo Epstein put Ben Zobrist on the 10-day DL for continually stuffing the front office idea box with the same suggestion. Because even if Theo promoted Mark Zagunis and Rob Zastryzny, gave one-day contracts to Carlos Zambrano, Oscar Zamora and Richie Zisk, and dug up Don Zimmer, you still can’t field an all-Z lineup.
- And for all those who doubt the organization’s great bullpen depth, take that! They just called up Luke Farrell. Just overlook that “feral” means wild.