Joe Holy Night
With the year drawing nigh, the holiday spirit and dearth of Cubs news have conspired to turn me into some kind of poor man’s Weird Al Yankovic. You may have already seen my instant classics The 12 Days of Cubsmas and ‘Twas the Night Before Cubsmas, but I just couldn’t stop there.
I know this isn’t the normal Cubs Insider fare, but I have to admit that I’m having a lot of fun with these. If the feedback I’ve gotten is any indicator, a lot of you have enjoyed them as well. So in the spirit of not taking myself too seriously, I present Joe Holy Night:
Joe holy night, the stars are actually signing
It is the time of our dear team’s rebirth
Long lay the Cubs in funk and failure pining
‘Til he came here and Theo felt his worth
A round of drinks, the media rejoices
For narratives, a new and glorious tone
Drive your RV, Joe, hear the metrics’ voices
Joe might be fine, Joe might make Cubs reborn
Joe might be fine, Joe might, Joe might be fine
Led by the light of card with metrics dripping
With spectacles resting upon his nose
He leads this team with prospects not yet flipping
Here come the wise men from the Crimson Hose
The skipper king lay thus in lowly Tampa
Despite their trials, the Cubs to lead he chose
A round of drinks, the media rejoices
For narratives, a new and glorious tone
Drive your RV, Joe, hear the metrics’ voices
Joe might be fine, Joe might make Cubs reborn
Joe might be fine, Joe might, Joe might be fine
Truly he teaches smarter not just harder
His responses all seem to start with “yo”
A laid-back skipper who relishes the pleasure
When under him the losing streak shall go
“I love it,” he says when asked about the pressure
Let all of Cubdom celebrate his name
A round of drinks, the media rejoices
For narratives, a new and glorious tone
Drive your RV, Joe, hear the metrics’ voices
Joe might be fine, Joe might make Cubs reborn
Joe might be fine, Joe might, Joe might be fine
